If Only Thou Lovedst Me
by toescapenow
Summary: AU, Slight OOC. Violence. Misa loves Light, but not in your conventional way of love. Written in Misa's pov. Do review!


A/N: First one-shot, do review!

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Misa loves Light. Misa loves Light so very much.

The first day Misa saw Light, Misa was stunned and dazed. Misa had never seen someone so flawless _ever_. Misa probably continued standing there thinking of that moment for forever. In that moment, Light was smiling. Light was gorgeous. Light was walking through the gates so coolly, hair like those models in commercials. Misa swears the sun was shining harder on Light's hair that day, and Light was like an angel walking through the gate.

Misa was staring at you, Light. Does Light know? Does Light know that Misa's heart was beating so fast at that instant?

Boom, boom, boom, boom. Misa didn't blink as Light walked past Misa. Misa thinks Light is the most beautiful person in the world. Misa thinks Misa has fallen in love.

_I wish you'd love me. I really want you to see me. _

Misa thinks Misa is the luckiest person in the world. Misa gets the same class as Light. Misa kept smiling that day. Even though Misa was punished by the teacher, Misa smiles. Misa has a reason to smile, you know? Light, you are Misa's reason to smile. Misa looks at Light and thinks Light has become even more beautiful, because Light was looking at Misa. Light looks at Misa with a kind look. And then Light gives Misa a small smile. Misa thinks Misa was lost in heaven then.

_I want you._

Misa mostly looks at Light. Every day, Misa goes to school, hiding behind pillars, looking at Light. Light, the littlest things you do are so cute and perfect. Misa thinks your chuckles are the heartiest, most charming. Misa likes your smiles. Misa likes when Light comb his fingers through his soft soft hair. Misa adores watching Light do sports. Light is so handsome. Light has fire in his eyes, and Misa likes how Light celebrates when he wins. Misa loves Light, and everything about Light.

_I'd do anything to be with you. Anything at all. I love you like that. _

But then, Misa sees Light talking to another girl. Light smiles, and the girl smiles. Light looks so happy and _shy_. But Misa knows Light never looks shy before, so why with that girl? Misa does not like that girl. The girl has long, silky hair but so does Misa. The girl looks pretty but Misa thinks Misa is cute too. The girl holds Light's hands. Misa thinks she wants to hold Light's hands too. Misa is sad, but Misa is not sad. Misa feels bitter.

_At that instant, you feel so far away. My heart feels cold, so cold. _

After that day, Light looks more happy. Light's eyes has joy. They lit up when he sees her; they don't lit up when they spot Misa. Misa sees Light with her more and more. They laugh, they smile, they are happy together. Misa stopped smiling then. Misa looks at Light all the time. Misa does not feel like smiling anymore. Misa feels hurt. The girl touches Light's hair just like Misa always wanted to. Light shyly holds her hand then, and kisses her on the forehead. Light, you look so perfect like that - under the sunset, kissing her so lovingly. Misa thinks that that would be more perfect if she was that girl.

Misa sees Light going home happily then. Light's soft whistling calls out to Misa's hurting heart. Light, why do you not like Misa? Light, do you know Misa loves you more than her? Light, why must you be so heartless and cruel to Misa? Why? Misa wants to know why. Was Misa not good enough? Misa can change! Misa can change for Light. Misa can do anything for Light. Misa hopes its not too late for Light to like Misa. Misa is walking behind Light, but Light doesn't know that Misa is waiting for him to turn around. Misa feels like crying because it seems so hopeless. It seems so hopeless that Light will ever like Misa.

_You shouldn't even be happy without me. You don't deserve to be happy when I am hurting for you. My love for you suffocates myself, but you don't know. You don't bother. Why? Why? WHY! YOU SHOULD LOVE ME!_

_Rage explodes in me, I feel angry. Fist clenched, held tight, I strike you blow after blow from behind, pounding hard and fast. I'd do anything to make you feel my love for you; can you feel my love now? Can you? No? Why not? _

_You know, you once said in class debate that women should know how to protect themselves. Since then, I've carried this baby, this Swiss Army knife around with me. Why? Because you said it! Because I wanted to be liked by you! I wanted to please you!_

_You harshly threw me off you, yelling at me. You spat me a look of repulse, before turning to walk away. My eyes glinted with anger and hatred. After all this love I devoted to you, how can you do this to me? I clutched onto the knife more tightly. How can you? I sprinted to you, and stabbed you then. I stabbed you with all the force I could muster. I'm giving you all of my love. I'm giving you all of myself. Think of this as cupid's arrow, love._

_Once, twice, thrice. _

_I let go. Tears were crawling down my cheeks in streaks. You'd fallen then, on your face. I turned you around; I wanted to see your face. It was perfect, with your eyes wide open, your mouth slightly parted. I think to myself, you look beautiful. And for the first time, you were actually looking at me. You see me now. You finally properly looked at me! I was happy, I was elated. I remembered how to smile again. _

_I touched your hair, then. It was soft and silky, running through my fingers, one strand after another. So this is how it feels like…to finally be able to do what I wanted. I giggled then. Now you know I love you, right? You can feel my loving touches. Don't ever leave me, I whispered to your ear. Only look at me. Be mine. _

_I unbuttoned your white shirt then. By the way, I never got a chance to tell you, I think white color looks great on you, it reminds me of the first day I saw you. In my head, you emerged from clouds, surrounded with white. I run my hands down your firm torso, laughing a little. Oh, you are so hot. I pressed a series of soft kisses down to your belly button, and rose to meet your eyes again. Promises are cheap, you know. I want you to always me mine, and mine only. With that, I forked out the knife blade, and carved down the words, "Always Mine". _

_Now, we could always be together. _

Now Light can only like Misa, because Light is Misa's. Light belongs to Misa only. Misa loves you, Light.

_I always have. _


End file.
